Why ‘Receiving the Elephant’ Matters—And How to Be the Person People Can Say Hard Things To

By Sarah Noll Wilson

 

Hey there—pull up a chair. Let’s talk about elephants for a second. 

 

You’ve probably felt it before: that hush in the room when a big, awkward issue is simmering under the surface. As an HR leader, you’re often the one who has to spot those elephants and figure out how to bring them into the open. In today’s world—where regulations, policies, and employee expectations can change overnight—you really can’t afford not to hear the truth. That’s why it’s crucial to be the kind of leader people can say hard things to—whether it’s constructive criticism, an uncomfortable concern, or that “everyone knows it but no one says it” situation. 

 

The Real Price of Avoidance 

 

Here’s the thing: Research from Crucial Learning shows that organizations paying lip service to “open communication” but avoiding tough conversations end up with higher turnover, lower morale, and fewer great ideas rising to the top. Meanwhile, Amy Edmondson at Harvard links “psychological safety” with higher performance and innovation—because when people feel it’s safe to speak, they actually will. But if they see you shut down or silence others at the first sign of difficult news, they learn it’s safer to stay quiet, and problems that could’ve been tackled head-on begin to fester. 

 

Giving vs. Receiving Feedback 

 

You might’ve heard all about how to deliver tough messages. But the real power, we believe, lies in how you receive them. You can say, “My door is open,” all day long, but if folks witness you rushing to defend yourself or dismissing concerns when the conversation turns tense, that door might as well be locked. Also “my door is open” is a very passive way of leadership, the best leaders we see go to people. Being the person everyone feels comfortable coming to with hard truths means you actively invite what feels uncomfortable—and handle it with calm, empathy, and genuine curiosity. 

 

A Quick Story from Riverbank Insurance 

 

Let me share a real-world example. Riverbank Insurance, a mid-sized firm of about 50 employees, claimed they were “open to feedback.” But people still whispered in the break room instead of speaking up during meetings, because big decisions were coming straight from the top and questions or suggestions were shut down via “stay in your lane” energy. Finally, a new HR Director started weekly listening sessions, made a point of thanking anyone who brought up awkward or messy concerns, and followed up with real action. It took just a few months to boost trust—and those recurring headaches around slow processes started clearing up. They didn’t just talk about welcoming feedback; they showed it, and everyone noticed. 

 

Why It Matters to You, Right Now 

 

• You Need Early Warnings: Ever-changing regulations and policies can turn into big problems if they’re ignored at the outset. Hearing them early saves you time, money, and stress. 

• You Need People to Stick Around: Top talent won’t stay silent forever—and they certainly won’t stay in a place where they feel unheard. 

• You Need a Resilient Culture: Teams that address issues head-on adapt faster and bounce back stronger, no matter what surprises pop up. 

 

Two Tips to Be “That Person” on Your Team 

 

Ask—Even if It’s Awkward

The next time you sense tension or spot a worried face, don’t gloss over it. Lean in and say something like: 

• “Hey, I can tell something might be off. Can we talk about it?” 

• “I’m picking up on some concerns—anyone want to fill me in so we can fix this together?”
   By stepping up first, you let people know you’re genuinely open to whatever they have to say. 

 

Honor the Messenger

When someone does speak up (and let’s be honest, it can feel scary!), take a moment to thank them for their honesty. For example: 

• “I really appreciate you being candid. I know it’s not easy.” 

• “Thank you for bringing this forward. It helps us catch issues before they become real problems.”
   Then, let them know what you plan to do next—even if that next step is just “I’ll think on this and circle back.” That follow-through shows them you value their courage. 

 

Bottom Line

By actively welcoming those thorny, uncomfortable truths, you set a tone that encourages openness organization-wide. Will it always be easy? Of course not. But it will make you the go-to person for the tough stuff—and in a world of nonstop change, that might be your biggest advantage. So come closer, and let’s keep talking about those elephants—together.