Odds are that we don’t think about our stress responses much because they’re often unconscious—a big piece of this is the amygdala, which you can learn more about in this short video—but what if we did? How could we use that awareness to positively impact our interactions in the workplace (and beyond)? That is one of the big questions we’re unpacking together in our series on stress responses. If you missed the first installment, I invite you to catch the overview here.
Today, I want to focus on the first of the five and perhaps one of the most well-known: the fight response. Before we dive in, remember that like all the other stress responses (flight, freeze, fawn, flock), you cannot stop a fight response from happening. Having a stress response is a part of being alive, and it can happen in as little as .07 seconds. It’s also important to normalize that different things trigger different people based on the level of power you have in a situation, your lived experience, what’s going on in your life, etc. In this work, I often hear someone say something like, “Well, this person gets mad about XYZ, but it doesn’t bother me!”
Of course! That makes total sense. We’re different people.
With this context under our belts, let’s look at how the fight response can manifest in the workplace . . . and what we need to know about managing it.
The Fight Response in the Workplace
All stress responses can have a destructive side, but that side for the fight response can be especially damaging because it is often the most visible to others and can change the climate of an interaction and erode trust quickly. This can look like slamming doors, banging fists on the table, turning red/breathing heavily, using feelings or emotions to intimidate others, and so forth. To the latter, sometimes a fight response can do the most damage in a “power over” situation.
A fight response can, of course, also be verbal: being argumentative, name calling, poking holes in everything. This is not the same as what one of our clients calls “productive friction.” Poking holes, for example, can be fruitful in terms of generating new and better ideas, collaborating, and innovating. This shows that a fight response is not merely defined by the action itself. If I bang my fist on the table because I’m advocating for something or someone I care about, for example, that can be a productive application.
Remember, there is nothing inherently harmful about a fight response, but a fight response gone unchecked can indeed cause problems in a very short amount of time. Let’s look at ways to mitigate that.
Strategies for Moving Forward
I’ve heard an oncoming fight response described a number of ways from clients: “I feel prickly,” “I’m on high alert,” “my senses are heightened and I can’t regulate them,” “my heart is racing,” etc. However it manifests for you, understand that this is not the time to have a productive exchange.
If you feel a fight response coming on, consider the following to help you regulate your emotions/actions:
Breathe. This seems simple, and it is . . . but it’s also super powerful. When you’re in a fight response specifically, your body is primed for physical fighting. Shallow breathing–along with tense muscles, hyperfocused senses, all the things that would keep you alive in a fight with a human or a bear–is a symptom here. That’s why getting back to regular breath is so powerful. Consider, for a moment, the vagus nerve: it’s the longest nerve in your body, running from the base of your neck through your digestive tract. I like to think of it like one of those springy door stops–you know, the ones you can poke or bump and they “boing” for a long time? When your vagus nerve is stimulated, it, too, can boing for a long time. Slowing down your breathing calms this, the effects of which can ripple throughout your whole being and help you remain more in control.
Take a break/delay action. It would be very appropriate to take a break in a situation where we feel our fight response is activated. This could look like excusing yourself from or postponing a meeting or interaction to give yourself time to regroup. Of course, there are power dynamics at play that we should consider as well. If you can’t leave for this reason, maybe you can defer to a colleague to speak first, etc. Anything to decrease your chance of erupting in a way that might have negative consequences.
Use mantras. Behind the scenes, our brains cannot move toward stop signs. If we tell ourselves, “stop getting worked up” or “don’t flip out,” for example, our brains will retain “worked up” and “flip out.” Instead, we need to tell our brains where to go, which is where mantras come in extra handy. What will you say to yourself when you have these big feelings? Try some of the following, or use your own:
- “Just breathe.”
- “I can stay calm.”
- “I can keep cool.”
- “Remain in control.”
What’s Next?
At the end of the day, the more times we deal with things that are challenging and we can get through them without exploding, the longer our fuse becomes. The more stamina we can build to help us hold steady in discomfort, the more we can address the elephants in our workplaces (and lives) productively.
How does a fight response usually show up for you? How have you handled it in the past, and what do you think you might try moving forward if you desire a different outcome? Tell me in the comments so we can all learn from one another, and stay tuned for the next article in this series where we’ll cover the flight response.
Dr. Teresa Peterson
Dr. Teresa Peterson is the Director of Learning and Development for Sarah Noll Wilson, Inc. In her daily work, she serves as Sarah’s key content collaborator. Teresa enjoys facilitating, researching, and is passionate about applying best practices for learning to make our experiences meaningful, engaging, and accessible for all types of learners. Teresa holds a Doctorate in Education from the University of Northern Iowa and brings over twenty years of experience teaching, facilitating, and leading to our team. Our clients love Teresa’s grounded energy, depth of thought, and ability to listen deeply.