As a leader, you’re often faced with the delicate task of repairing relationships—whether it’s between team members, with key stakeholders, or even with another executive. Over the years, we’ve seen many leaders in our client work resolve conflicts by blending self-awareness, empathy, and consistent follow-through. Below, you’ll find three guiding questions and three practical strategies we’ve observed to help our clients successfully rebuild bridges.
Three Reflective Questions to Ask
1. “What role have I played in this situation?”
- Before attempting any repair, pause to think about your own impact. It’s easy to focus on what the other person did wrong, but true relationship repair starts with self-awareness.
- Client Story: We worked with a COO in a mid-sized tech firm who realized she had unintentionally minimized her VP of Marketing’s ideas in meetings. By acknowledging her part—saying, “I see how I shut down your suggestions before hearing you out”—she opened the door to a more constructive conversation.
2. “What does the other person most need or value right now?”
- While being mindful of your own feelings, consider the other person’s current needs or values. They might be looking for a sense of respect, autonomy, or recognition.
- Client Story: A VP in a large insurance company noticed that his Director of Operations seemed withdrawn and disengaged. After reflecting on her needs, he discovered that what she needed to feel respected was different than what he needed. His actions were actually causing disrespect even though it wasn’t his intention.
3. “How can I show genuine care and vulnerability?”
- Effective repair is more than problem-solving; it’s about demonstrating authentic concern for the person and their feelings. Owning mistakes and uncertainties about the path forward can establish deeper empathy and show the other person you’ve considered their experience.
- What We See Working: When leaders in our programs courageously admit, “I’m not sure how to fix this, but I want to work on it together,” it softens defenses and fosters openness—especially in high-stakes, high-pressure environments.
Three Ways to Start the Repair
1. Offer a Specific, Heartfelt Apology
- Vague or “non” apologies (e.g., “I’m sorry if you were offended”) can do more harm than good. Reference concrete actions, express regret, and commit to changing your behavior.
- Client Story: One CEO shared a moment where he said, “I realize I cut you off in our last executive meeting, and I’m sorry. It signaled that your input wasn’t valuable, which is not true.” This specificity helped the other person feel seen and validated.
2. Co-Create a Path Forward
- Invite the other person to collaborate on how to rebuild the relationship. Whether it’s scheduling regular one-on-one check-ins or clarifying goals and boundaries, co-creating a plan helps both parties feel invested.
- What We See Working: We’ve noticed that leaders who use language like “How can we move forward together?” in these conversations build a sense of teamwork and shared ownership. This approach transforms a potential power dynamic into a mutual problem-solving effort.
3. Follow Through Consistently
- Even the best repair efforts collapse without action. If you commit to new behaviors—like publicly recognizing contributions or soliciting input before decisions—make it a regular and visible practice.
- Client Story: A senior VP in a manufacturing company made a promise to spotlight his plant manager’s success metrics during monthly operations reviews. By consistently following through on that promise, he demonstrated reliability and slowly but surely rebuilt trust.
What’s next?
Repairing a damaged relationship is never easy—especially when you’re a leader juggling multiple priorities. Yet, as we’ve witnessed time and again with our clients, asking the right questions and taking research-backed steps can rekindle trust and often strengthen relationships beyond what they were before. By engaging in genuine self-reflection, showing empathy, and following through on commitments, you not only heal the immediate rift but also model a culture of respect and accountability that sets your entire organization apart.
Take these strategies to heart, adapt them to your unique context, and watch as your teams become more resilient, innovative, and united—even when the waters get choppy. The effort you put into relationship repair will ripple through your organization, creating an environment where people feel truly heard and valued. Which at the end of the day is what every person deserves.
Sarah Noll Wilson is on a mission to help leaders build and rebuild teams. She aims to empower leaders to understand and honor the beautiful complexity of the humans they serve. Through her work as an Executive Coach, an in-demand Keynote Speaker, Researcher, Contributor to Harvard Business Review, and Bestselling Author of “Don’t Feed the Elephants”, Sarah helps leaders close the gap between what they intend to do and the actual impact they make. She hosts the podcast “Conversations on Conversations”, is certified in Co-Active Coaching and Conversational Intelligence, and is a frequent guest lecturer at universities. In addition to her work with organizations, Sarah is a passionate advocate for mental health.