Facing the Elephant of Repair: 5 Lessons for Leaders Heading into 2025

As I reflect on nearly 20 years of leadership research and development, I’m struck by how rarely the practice of repair gets the spotlight it deserves. “Repair” is the intentional act of self-reflection, accountability, and purposeful action to bring a relationship back on track after a hurtful or regrettable event. It’s the elephant in the room we often tiptoe around—one that can quietly erode trust and engagement over time if we don’t address it. 

The divisiveness in our world—exacerbated by political divides, social media echo chambers, and technology—can make it easier for people to opt out of strained relationships rather than lean into them. That’s why, as we move into 2025, I’m doubling down on five core lessons about repair. My hope is that they’ll not only heighten your awareness but also inspire you to act swiftly, even if it feels uncomfortable.

 

1. Repair Quickly When Possible

Too often, leaders hesitate to address conflicts head-on. They wait, hoping tensions will magically vanish. The truth is, unaddressed conflict doesn’t disappear—it festers. I’ve seen countless situations, both in my own life and in client organizations, where a quick apology or timely conversation could have saved months (or years!) of misunderstanding and resentment. 

• Personal Story: One leader I worked with sensed growing resentment from her team after cutting them off in meetings. Instead of waiting, she immediately apologized—specifically naming how her actions undercut their contributions. The result? A team that felt seen, valued, and ready to move forward. 
• Key Takeaway: When you notice tension or realize you’ve misstepped, don’t wait. Be the leader who takes the first step. Quick action can prevent minor hurts from becoming major rifts. 

 

2. It’s Never Too Late to Repair

While speed is ideal, there’s also immense power in late apologies. Perhaps months—or even years—have passed since a regrettable event. The moment for an easy fix may feel long gone. Yet, in my experience, the impact of a heartfelt effort to make amends can still be profound. 

• Family Realization: I’ve witnessed rifts in my own extended family where people stopped speaking for decades. While it’s painful to think how much time was wasted, the eventual attempts at reconciliation—though late—were deeply healing. The lesson is clear: Better late than never absolutely applies here. 
• Key Takeaway: Don’t let fear of “too much time has passed” stop you from reaching out. Your willingness to own the past can still spark meaningful forward momentum. 

 

3. Repair Isn’t Always Comfortable (But It’s Almost Always Valuable)

Apologizing or admitting fault can feel awkward. You may worry about rejection, fear looking weak, or hope the situation will just blow over. Yet, every time I witness someone lean into discomfort for the sake of a relationship, the return on courage is high. 

• Client Example: A senior VP once told me he dreaded confronting his colleague about a dismissive remark he’d made. Despite the discomfort, he initiated the conversation and was surprised at how grateful the colleague was to clear the air. A brief moment of awkwardness led to a stronger working relationship. 
• Key Takeaway: Yes, it might feel uncomfortable. But the discomfort is a small price to pay for the opportunity to restore trust and build a culture of openness. 

 

4. Focus on Impact, Not Intentions 

It’s common to hear, “But that wasn’t my intention!” when conflict arises. However, good intentions don’t automatically cancel out harmful impacts. Research on trust repair underscores the idea that acknowledging the other person’s experience—not just explaining your own—matters most. 

• Observation from the Field: Leaders who focus solely on their benign intentions often miss the crux of the issue: the actual harm felt by the other person. Validating someone’s feelings doesn’t mean agreeing with every point; it means recognizing how your actions affected them. 
• Key Takeaway: Center your apology on what the other person experienced. Show you care about their perspective, regardless of whether you meant to cause harm. 

 

5. Apologize Because You Want to Make Things Right—Not to Elicit a Reciprocal Apology

A genuine apology is a gift you give without strings attached. I’ve heard leaders say, “I said I was sorry, but they didn’t apologize back. Now I don’t even want to bother.” This mindset misses the mark. If your apology hinges on a specific response from the other person, you’re not really focused on repair—you’re focused on winning. 

• A Telling Moment: A client once discovered that his apology felt transactional—he was testing whether the other party would “meet him halfway.” When that didn’t happen, he withdrew. After reflection, he offered a second, more heartfelt apology, expressing his remorse without expecting anything in return. Only then did the relationship begin to heal. 
• Key Takeaway: Apologize to repair the relationship, not to compel the other person to do the same. Authenticity goes a long way in rebuilding trust. 

 

A Glimpse into my current Research 

A wealth of studies affirm the importance of repairing trust after a failure: 

• Trust as a Fragile Commodity: People are generally quick to grant trust until a negative incident occurs (McKnight, Cummings, & Chervany, 1998). A single trust violation can have long-lasting repercussions if not addressed (Robinson, 1996). 
• Leaders Set the Tone: Leaders who acknowledge a violation and take responsibility can mitigate the “paranoid cognitions” and “sinister attribution errors” that often arise after trust is broken (Kramer, 1996; Kim et al., 2004). 
• Apologies Matter (When Appropriate): Kim, Ferrin, Cooper, and Dirks (2004) found that apologies are most effective for competence-based violations, while denials (when one’s integrity is at stake) may be more effective under certain conditions. In all cases, sincerity and clarity of action are key. 

By blending empathy with evidence-based strategies, leaders can overcome the cognitive biases that make rebuilding trust so challenging. 

 

Looking Ahead to 2025 

We’re in a climate where people are more divided and more inclined to “block” relationships—professional or personal—when things get tough. To be clear there are times when cutting out a relationship is absolutely the right and healthiest step to take. But as technology makes it easier to disconnect, repair becomes an even more critical skill. Let’s not squander opportunities to preserve and strengthen the relationships that matter. 

For my part, I’m doubling down on talking about repair, so it becomes a normal topic, not an elephant lingering in the room. Personally, I’m leaning into moments of repair faster and challenging myself to act as soon as I sense a rift, no matter how small. 

 

Call to Action: Lean Into Moments of Repair 

• Identify One Relationship: Pinpoint a relationship—at work or in your personal life—where you sense unresolved tension or potential hurt. 
• Take the First Step: Initiate a conversation or offer a heartfelt apology. Recall that speed matters, but so does authenticity—so do it as soon as you can manage a genuine approach. 
• Encourage Others to Repair: Model this behavior in your organization or team. Let others see that repair is a valued part of your leadership culture. 

 

My Final Thoughts 

It’s time we free the elephant of unaddressed hurt and harm in our workplaces and beyond. By stepping up as leaders who repair relationships, we signal that trust, openness, and accountability aren’t just buzzwords—they’re lived values. As we enter 2025, I invite you to join me in making the practice of repair an integral part of how we lead and how we live. 

Here’s to a future where no elephant remains unaddressed—and where every relationship has the chance to heal, grow, and thrive.