Let’s Talk About Benign Neglect (And Why It’s the Worst)

I used to be really good at ignoring things. Like, give me a minor conflict or an obvious problem, and I could practically put on blinders and sashay right past it. No confrontation, no sweaty palms, no raised voices—just sweet, sweet avoidance. I even told myself, “It’s not that serious,” or “Someone else will deal with it.” Sometimes, I’d even call it “staying out of the drama.” Guess what? Turns out, I was doing a whole lot more damage by doing absolutely nothing. 

That’s the sneaky thing about benign neglect: we assume it’s “no big deal.” But ignoring issues is often just as destructive—if not worse—than the loud, in-your-face kind of negativity. When you ignore a problem, you’re basically endorsing it. And that silent endorsement can slowly corrode trust, respect, and psychological safety in a team. 

 

But first… a quick refresher on psychological safety: 

 

It’s that intangible but oh-so-crucial feeling that you can voice your thoughts, ideas, or concerns without risking retaliation or exclusion. When psychological safety is strong, people speak up, collaborate, and innovate. When it’s not, everyone clams up, problems grow, and resentment festers. 

 

Egregious vs. Benign: A Tale of Two Toxicities 

 

Egregious Behavior 

This is the stuff that’s easier to spot: bullying, yelling, blatant discrimination, or humiliating others. Because these actions are so blatant, people typically jump into crisis mode and address them—eventually. It’s the type of behavior that screams “Toxic!” in big, bold letters.  

Benign Neglect 

This is the “quiet killer.” It’s what happens when your manager sees someone being talked over in every meeting and does… absolutely nothing. Or when a teammate’s concerns are repeatedly shrugged off with, “I’ll look into it,” but never addressed. It’s turning a blind eye because “it’ll blow over.” It’s that feeling of I should probably say something, but… 

 

What Does Benign Neglect Look Like in Real Life? 

 

Repeating “Thanks for Sharing!” Without Any Action 

• Someone raises a serious concern—maybe about unfair workload distribution or a questionable comment from a coworker—and the only response they get is a polite smile or a generic “We’ll follow up.” Crickets. Nothing changes.  

Ignoring Microaggressions 

• Small digs, “jokes,” or snide remarks that never get called out. Over time, they pile up like dirty dishes in the sink—and trust me, ignoring them doesn’t make them smell any better. 

Avoiding Real Conversations 

• Instead of dealing with that obvious friction between two team members, you just let it stew. Because, hey, confrontation is uncomfortable, right? (Spoiler: yes, but ignoring it will only make it worse.) 

Passive Approval of Bad Behavior 

• Even when multiple people complain about a toxic superstar, management shrugs and says, “Well, they bring in the numbers.” Letting someone wreak havoc because they produce results is still enabling toxicity. 

 

Why This Is So Incredibly Harmful 

 

Erodes Trust 

• People quickly learn: “My voice? Doesn’t matter.” They stop bringing up issues, stop caring, and eventually stop trusting leadership (and each other). 

Normalizes the Worst Stuff 

• If you never call out rudeness, gossip, or exclusion, people figure it’s acceptable behavior. And guess what? You just got yourself a brand-new culture—where toxic is normal. 

Kills Creativity and Engagement 

• When your team feels it’s risky to speak up, creativity and innovation take a nosedive. Why bother sharing fresh ideas if they’re just going to be ignored? 

Breeds Burnout 

• Nothing makes people more exhausted than trying to fix issues in a place where no one else seems to care. It’s like shouting into the void. Eventually, folks either tune out or peace out. 

Elephants Everywhere 

• Unaddressed problems morph into giant elephants in the room. Everyone sees them, nobody dares mention them, and the tension can be cut with a butter knife. 

 

My (Embarrassing) Elephants: A Confession 

 

I used to think, “If it’s not a dumpster fire, it’s not worth addressing.” But over time, those little sparks I ignored became smoldering embers. My team’s motivation tanked, people got cynical, and that once-friendly atmosphere turned chilly. It dawned on me that all those “little” issues I didn’t tackle had become big, massive elephants taking up all the space. And they had my fingerprints all over them. So, yeah—I’ve been there, and I’m not proud of it. 

 

How I’m (Now) Taking Action—and How You Can, Too 

 

Step into Honest Conversations 

• Ask people to tell you one thing that is working well and one thing that if you did differently could have a big impact. Create channels and regular check ins people can speak freely. 

Name the Elephant 

• The moment you see that giant, wrinkly, metaphorical elephant in the corner, call it out. “Hey, something’s off here. Let’s talk about it.” Simple, yes. Also essential. 

Hold People (and Yourself) Accountable 

• If you see microaggressions or repeated dismissals happening, don’t just let it slide. Address it head-on, or pull the person aside afterward and say, “I noticed this, and it’s not okay. Let’s fix it.” 

Commit to Follow-Through 

• Telling someone “I’m on it” and then letting it drop is basically lying. If you say you’ll handle something, handle it—even if it’s uncomfortable or it takes a while. 

Celebrate People Who Speak Up 

• Publicly recognize and thank team members who share hard truths or raise red flags. Show everyone that candor and courage are values you actually reward. 

 

The Bottom Line  

 

Benign neglect is not “keeping the peace.” It’s basically fueling a silent dumpster fire that slowly burns through morale, trust, and any hopes of real psychological safety. So let’s cut the nonsense. If you see something, say something. If you hear something, do something. If you feel that nudge in your gut telling you something’s off—listen to it! 

 

Your Call to Action—Because Silence Isn’t an Option 

 

1.   Next time you witness a “minor” issue, speak up. Don’t wait for it to become a five-alarm blaze.
   
2.   Stop letting toxic superstars run free just because they deliver results. That’s short-term thinking with massive long-term costs.
3.   Be the person who says, “We have an elephant in the room, and its name is [insert glaring issue here]. Let’s deal with it.” 

 

 You can be the catalyst for a culture of actual psychological safety—where folks feel valued, heard, and respected. Or you can sit back and watch the elephants multiply. Trust me, one day they’ll trample everything you’ve built. 

 

I know what I’m choosing these days. How about you?